Why Do we find fault with others? – A Hindrance to Spiritual Growth. .

It is said that when you point a finger at others three fingers point back at you and one to God. Why do we do this? Because criticisms are always centered around ourselves.

A story in the Mahabharata illustrates the difference in mentality between a pure soul and a person hostile to God and thereby covered by the mode of darkness. Krishna, the Supreme Lord, met with both Maharaja Yudhishthira, a pure devotee of the Lord, and Duryodhana, an extremely envious king who had acquired his position through cheating and deceit. Krishna asked Maharaja Yudhishthira to go out into the kingdom and return after finding someone less qualified than himself. And He asked Duryodhana to search the kingdom for someone better than himself.

When wicked Duryodhana returned, he told Lord Krishna that he couldn’t find anyone better than himself. Whereas the saintly Yudhishthira, also returned unable to find anyone inferior to himself.

Moral Lord Krishna is teaching us something about human psychology. The closer one comes to his original pure identity, the more he shows humility and freedom from seeing the faults in others. And the further one falls from his pure identity, the more he feels superior to others, seeing faults in them and not in himself.

While fault finding may be an outcome of several mental states, it is often the mind’s attempt to gain a superior position over others. Duryodhana was expert at finding faults in others regardless of their purity, and he had a knack for disregarding his own shortcomings. Lacking empathy for the suffering of others, he would use any means to achieve his goals. This is a common personality profile of Rakshasa and Tamasic natured persons. And the root of their problem is their lack of proclivity for developing their relationship with the Supreme Lord

Most of us traversing the spiritual path fall somewhere between the pure soul (Yudhishthira) and the envious demon (Duryodhana), How can I stop finding fault with others?” But as with any unwanted behavior or habit, it is important to understand what we get out of doing it i.e., the payoff. If we fail to address this step, our mind will undoubtedly sabotage out efforts to give up criticism. Often the secondary gain will be easy to see.

Some common motivations for finding fault with others are
(1) Gaining a sense of superiority,
(2) Getting back at someone who has hurt us,
(3) Asserting our position or belief as the best or only way, and
(4) Avoiding scrutiny of our own shortcomings.
(5) People like to rationalize or justify things sometimes these same people feel inferior to the ones that they are judging.

Identifying our motives takes honesty and courage. We need to have a strong desire to change. But sometimes, despite our good intentions, the reason we do something may not be so evident.

Some Learned Remarks on Fault Finders

If you wish to mention the faults of your friend, mention your own faults first.""Do not judge—or you too will be judged

Most people fail to criticize properly by trying to put others' spirit down but while doing that they only let their own frustration out.

Never employ yourself to discover the faults of others—look to your own. You had better find out one of your own faults than ten of your neighbor's

That which we call sin in others is experiment in us.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Speak not against anyone whose burden you have not weighed yourself.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct

Other people’s faults are like bees – if we don’t see them, they don’t harm us.