How to Deal With an Egoist Husband?

                                           
Egoism

The term “egoism” is ordinarily used to mean “exclusive concern with satisfying one’s own desires, getting what one wants.” Dictionaries tend to support this. They call “egoism”, for instance,
“1. selfishness; self-interest.
2. conceit.”
 1 The term “egotist” is often a substitute, although it’s defined  differently, for example, as “excessive reference to oneself.” The ego is the self. But we should distinguish first between “selfishness,” “self-interest,”and “interest of the self.” They usually mean, respectively, “concern exclu-
sively and for indulging one’s desires,” “consideration based first on what is good for oneself without the exclusion of others,” and “that which motivates
an autonomous person.”Egoism concerns itself with benefiting oneself. To do this is to provide oneself with what one requires for flourishing, excelling, developing in
positive ways.

                            The word “ego” has the potential to destroy anyone’s happiness. Be it your love life partner or business partner, dealing with anyone’s ego is an art. If you don’t know how to deal with ego, you may end up losing many things. On the other hand, those who know the art of dealing with ego can emerge as winners at the end. So, read on to know about some ways to deal with ego.

Ego is the thing that doesn’t let us compromise with others and vice versa. When you see someone having too much ego, first of all avoid getting angry. Maintain you calmness to deal with egoistic people who come across you in daily routine. This is the first step for dealing with people having negative ego.

            Secondly, it is essential to remember that egoistic people cannot be dismissed lightly, you need to apply tact to make them agree with you. .

What is Ego?

                                 

                     The ego is the "I". Our perceived notion of how we and others see us. The self-image. Everyone has one - as it is essential to our survival to have a sense of self. The "inflated ego," however, is what most consider pure evil. It is the reason serial killers kill, and why some men beat their wives and kids. In a nation where there is a name for every human condition possible - often with the word disorder attached to it - I am surprised we don't have a disorder (and big blue pills) for egoism.

                     

Why it kills relationships?

            We go into relationships with people we claim to love and admire and whom we think love and admire us. Ego and love, however, are old enemies and can not easily live under the same roof. It's really hard to convince your spouse or significant other that you love them when you have an inflated ego. What you are really saying is this - "I love you, but I love me more. And I would much rather be right than happy." You see why that might not go over so well with your spouse?

             Most people try to fight their partner's ego for some time, before finally giving up and leaving them. If leaving is not an option for you - there is a way to work with the ego, rather than against it. You can even learn how to use it to your advantage.

So what can you do about it?

                                   

Well you can start by not going into a relationship with someone with an inflated ego - prevention is often easier than maintenance remember?
    So how can you tell if someone has an inflated ego?  

               Well, they usually are the kind of people that will never lose an argument, never admit their wrong, and never, ever apologize to anyone. They must win every game - making them very sore losers. They will find a way to blame every argument, disagreement, and circumstance on you. Not fun.

It's easier to change yourself and your outlook than it is to change someone else. Use the following coping and communication strategies to deal with your egoistic partner:

How to Deal With an Egoist Husband?
                         Absolutely every egoist loves hearing words of praises about himself. If you don't flatter him, he will do it himself by appreciating anything and everything about him, even if it were a flaw! Because, in his head, there is no flaw in him.
Does he make you feel like crap because according to him you are just not good enough to be with him?
Does he often suggest that he is doing a huge favor being with you because no one else would have?
         I understand exactly which boat you are sailing in. In fact, it could pretty soon share the ill fate of the Titanic. How can you save it? Stop being dependent on him emotionally or financially.

• Do not be clingy at all. This is the worst thing you can do around an egoist.
• Pay more attention to your grooming.
• Spend time with your girlfriends and make plans to go out.
• Keep yourself busy. Hint: Cookbooks, magazines and hobby classes!
• Get a job, that is if it doesn't create more tension between you two.
• If he says something meant to hurt you, instead of screaming or fighting, talk to him calmly like it did not affect you. But, talk to him in the most sarcastic tone with a dash of humor. He will probably try to come back at you but laugh at it like that was the silliest thing you ever heard.
• Every time he starts with his self-appreciation routine, engage yourself into something and pretend like you are not listening. If he tries to draw your attention, apologize for not listening and ask him to repeat. If he does, pretend like it did wow you. If he refuses, don't chide him to. Just smile.
• Don't tell him that you know what he is doing, he will start looking for another ear.
• Compliment him out of the blue, when he least expects it. He will die to hear more. Though, never lie or fake it.
• If you are going to take all his nonsense, you might as well get the word 'DOORMAT' tattooed on your forehead. Try it, life will become a lot easier for him.

Stop trying to hold on to things. Relationships are like sand. The tighter your grip them, the more they will slip out of your control. You need to give each other some space and take time to re-build your self-esteem, self-worth and confidence. Being scared is not going to get you anywhere. Be brave. If you find both of you getting distanced from each other, then, perhaps it is the best to forget about it and move on to live a happy life that you deserve because being with him is getting you no good, sweetheart.

   Self-acceptance, self-love, a positive self-image, the freedom to be ourselves; all these are crucial aspects of self-esteem. Whether seen from the ultimate perspective of spirituality, which exhorts us to be our true self, or from the more modest psychological imperative to develop a positive self-image, the struggle towards self-esteem is everyman's journey.
                  "Healthy self-esteem correlates with rationality, realism, intuitiveness, creativity, independence, flexibility, ability to manage change, willingness to admit (and correct) mistakes, benevolence and cooperation. Poor self-esteem correlates with irrationality, blindness to reality, rigidity, fear of the new and unfamiliar, inappropriate conformity or inappropriate rebelliousness, defensiveness, an overly compliant or controlling behavior, and fear or hostility towards others."
The Six Pillars of Self-esteem:
                   "Self-esteem is the disposition of experiencing oneself as competent in coping with the basic challenges of life and as being worthy of happiness." There are two components to Branden's definition. The first he calls self-efficacy: "Confidence in the functioning of my mind, in my ability to think, understand, learn, choose, and make decisions; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of my interests and needs; self-trust, self-reliance."

"Self-respect means assurance of my value; an affirmative attitude towards my right to live and be happy; comfort in appropriately asserting my thoughts, wants and needs; the feeling that joy and fulfillment are my natural birthright." Branden further subdivides these two factors into six components:

• Living consciously: This is an active mind rather than a passive one, being in the moment, with a concern to know external and internal reality. Says he: "To live consciously means to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values and goals to the best of our ability and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know."

• Self-acceptance: This means accepting all feelings, thoughts and acts and being compassionate towards oneself. "Self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience—that is, to make real to ourselves without denial or evasion—that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are."

• Self-responsibility: This includes being responsible for the achievement of desires, for the level of consciousness; our behavior with other people; for prioritizing time and for personal happiness. "In taking responsibility for our own existence we implicitly recognize that other human beings are not our servants and do not exist merely for satisfying our needs."

• Self-assertiveness: It is your right to exist as you are. It is the acceptance that your life does not belong to others and that you are not here to live up to someone else's expectations.

• Purposeful living: "To live purposefully is to use our power for the attainment of goals we have selected; the goal of studying, of raising a family, of earning a living," says Branden.

• Personal integrity: "When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity."
A person with high self-esteem is happier, more serene and accepts failure. She is also more truthful and compassionate."
HOW TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
It's a long and rocky road to recovery of total self-esteem. However, if you are determined, nothing is impossible. There are different aspects to recovering your self-esteem. You have to learn to go within yourself and become aware of your feelings, thoughts and deeds, then accept them. Give fresh commands to your internal monitor that you are whole and perfect. Learn to become self-assertive, to deactivate the voices within your head that tell you how to run your life, to love yourself unconditionally. No matter what it takes, keep going at it. One fine day, you will find that all your internal discomforts have disappeared and the new you, innocent, beautiful and unscarred, waits to taste life afresh.