Transactions and Strokes

Transactions and Strokes

• Transactions are the flow of communication, and more specifically the unspoken psychological flow of communication that runs in parallel. Transactions occur simultaneously at both explicit and psychological levels. Example: sweet caring voice with sarcastic intent. To read the real communication requires both surface and non-verbal reading.
• Strokes are the recognition, attention or responsiveness that one person gives another. Strokes can be positive (nicknamed "warm fuzzies") or negative ("cold pricklies"). A key idea is that people hunger for recognition, and that lacking positive strokes, will seek whatever kind they can, even if it is recognition of a negative kind. We test out as children what strategies and behaviours seem to get us strokes, of whatever kind we can get.

                             People often create pressure in (or experience pressure from) others to communicate in a way that matches their style, so that a boss who talks to his staff as a controlling parent will often engender self-abasement or other childlike responses. Those employees who resist may get removed or labeled as "trouble".
                                   Transactions can be experienced as positive or negative depending on the nature of the strokes within them. However, a negative transaction is preferred to no transaction at all, because of a fundamental hunger for strokes.
The nature of transactions is important to understanding communication
Kinds of transactions
There are basically three kinds of transactions:

1. Reciprocal/Complementary (the simplest)
2. Crossed
3. Duplex/Covert (the most complex)

 Reciprocal or Complementary transactions

A simple, reciprocal transaction occurs when both partners are addressing the ego state the other is in. These are also called complementary transactions. Example 1:

A: "Have you been able to write the report?" (Adult to Adult)

B: "Yes - I'm about to email it to you." (Adult to Adult)

Example 2:

A: "Would you like to skip this meeting and go watch a film with me instead?" (Child to Child)

B: "I'd love to - I don't want to work anymore, what should we go and see?" (Child to Child)

Example 3:

A: "You should have your room tidy by now!" (Parent to Child)

B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Child to Parent).

Communication like this can continue indefinitely. (Clearly it will stop at some stage - but this psychologically balanced exchange of strokes can continue for some time).

 Crossed transactions

Communication failures are typically caused by a 'crossed transaction' where partners address ego states other than that their partner is in. Consider the above examples jumbled up a bit.
Example 1a:

A: "Have you been able to write that report?" (Adult to Adult)

B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Child to Parent)

This is a crossed transaction likely to produce problems in the workplace. A may respond with a Parent to Child transaction. For instance:

A: "If you don't change your attitude, you'll get fired."

Example 2a:

A: "Is your room tidy yet?" (Parent to Child)

B: "I'm just going to do it, actually." (Adult to Adult)

This is a more positive crossed transaction. There is however the risk that A will feel aggrieved that B is acting responsibly and not playing their role, and the conversation will develop into:

A: "I can never trust you to do things!" (Parent to Child)

B: "Why don't you believe anything I say?" (Adult to Adult)

... which can continue indefinitely.

 Duplex or Covert transactions

Another class of transaction is the 'duplex' or 'covert' transactions, where the explicit social conversation occurs in parallel with an implicit psychological transaction. For instance:

A: "I need you to stay late at the office with me." (Adult words), body language indicates sexual intent (flirtatious Child)

B: "Of course." (Adult response to Adult statement), winking or grinning (Child accepts the hidden motive).